VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
