My sheets look like a crime scene.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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