I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
