I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
