Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He did a backflip because drugs
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