im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
