She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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