i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
