Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
