we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
and you fell through a lawn chair
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
