Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
