Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
