She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
