do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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