..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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