Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize