i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
