he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
