Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
