So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
