I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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