Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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