ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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