I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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