Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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