Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
