Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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