I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
