You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
