Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
