I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
