It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
