i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
