Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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