I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
