it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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