i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
