You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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