Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
