I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
