we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
