So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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