What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
