ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
