Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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