I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
