Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
