meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
