you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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