I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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