Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
