ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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