The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
