Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
