She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
