I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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