TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
