just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
