Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
