i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
