Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
